Deflowered and Disillusioned
by TheThornBird
Summary: She was to lose her purity and innocence,he had already lost his spirit and faith.Can she make him remember what it was like to smile,to laugh, and most of all to love? Rrating in later chapters.
1. Beautiful Disaster

**Deflowered and Disillusioned**

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters of PMK…love the Anime too bits though!

Chapter 1: Prologue

A/N: FYI, this is sort of like my own twist to the continuation of the show in the Anime. Hana-chan was to become a geisha much earlier than Saya. Ever since I saw Hana-chan proclaims how she was 'absolutely-in-love-with-Heisuke", this weird brain of mine went into overdrive. I just had to write this…so hope you enjoy! BTW, the death of Yamanami, transfer out of Shinsengumi occurred in the PMK manga itself, it's not mine.

"It was….according to Kondou-san, a-a perfect sepp-uku…He went peacefully." Shinpachi broke down; his small frame shaking uncontrollably as he faced his best friends. Heisuke did not reply. Instead he brought his legs together, placing his forehead on his knees as he felt his own tears began to fall. In the midst of the cool, quiet morning, only the keeling sounds of grief remained.

It was coming to a month since the passing of Mr Yamanami. Falling of the cherry blossoms brought about the promise of Autumn season. Time, as one had said, would heal all wounds eventually. Yet to Heisuke, nothing had changed. Nothing.

He could no longer find the mirth and happiness that he saw in things, nor could he still remain close to his two other happy-go-lucky buddies. His heart was a void, and his once brightly-lit eyes now dimmed with a subtle despair that did not seem to go away. A man that he had come to love and respect as both a father-figure and brother was taken away from him just like that; and it suddenly dawned upon him how flimsy the barrier was that separated him from the people that he cared about.

Death, an impregnable fortress.

He cast his hooded eyes at the darkening skies, a myriad of tiny stars ready to dominate the night. He returned to his thoughts. Perhaps that was why he decided that leaving the Shinsengumi was a better idea. Out of cowardice? Out of fear? Rather, it might have had been the dwindling faith that he once had in the Shinsengumi. That, and perhaps because he knew he did not want to see any more of his friends die with such needlessness. He wouldn't commit seppuku; he had joined another division instead.

The Imperial Loyalist Army. It was established not long after the Ikeda-Inn incident, and that was when the Shinsengumi seemed to be wavering. It had been very uncomfortable initially, facing such a big change from the friendly faces in the Shinsengumi. Anyway, he was not about to complain. He did not come this far to regret his decisions. It was enough recollections for a day. He quickened his pace towards the building that loomed before him. From the frail shadows, he made out its name.

"Shimabara."

Two hours ago…..

Hana smeared the crimson-red paste gently on her lips with her forth finger. She looked up at her reflection in the wide mirror, noticing with bemusement, the sadness written all over the older woman who was helping her place bejeweled hairpins into her hair. She let out a tinkling laugh.

"Yumi-san, you seem more worried than me! It's almost like it's your big day instead of mine!" she remarked, turning to face her. Yumi raised her head to meet her eyes, then let out a resigned sigh.

The years had been good to the young girl before her. With passing time, Hana-chan seemed to develop a grace and beauty unlike any other youth geishas she had seen before. She should know, she was always the last one to see them before they… they were to be deflowered. Most of the girls would start shaking with feared anticipation, or perhaps even mount to the point where they were hysterical to face such a 'fate'. Yet, Hana-chan seemed to face this similar fact with an alarming air of nonchalance and determination despite her tender age of sixteen. "Yumi-san, don't feel sad for me. I guess I'm just not as lucky as Saya; she has Tetsu-kun as her 'God'. She will never worry that she won't have anyone to love her, and perhaps someday, he will come for her." Hana paused, rising up and heading towards the door. She turned for a moment, a small smile on her lips.

"Perhaps, one day it'll be my turn."

Hana bowed low, her head touching the ground and her hands placed demurely infront of her. "Thank you, Mamasan. For all these years of kindness and generosity that you have showered on Hana-chan., I hereby promise to repay you by being the best courtesan in Shimabara. May you continue to give me your support, Mamasan." With that, she stood up to her full height, her features stunning in the bright light of the paper lamps. Her long flowing hair that usually hung down round her heart-shaped face was now held back in two interloping buns; red lips and her deep-gray eyes gave her a porcelain doll-like appearance. The Mamasan was pleased.

"Very well, Hana-chan. I'll send you to your first customer."

Heisuke sipped the sake straight from the bottle, paying no attention to the elaborate layout of dishes and cups before him. His ears caught the sound of on-coming foot-steps, perhaps two. His years of training his five senses to perfection had not been in waste. It was a necessity, to be able to hear your enemies from a distance away; you wouldn't want them to sneak up and plant a piece into your back would you? The Shoji door slid open soundlessly; he knew that his 'order' had arrived. He did not bother turning, instead took another swig of sake. The Mamasan frowned momentarily. 'Is he not interested to see who I've brought? Well, we'll see about that," she thought.

"Toudou-sama, I've brought you the best girl we have today. She's young and inexperienced; you have to give her your guidance, neh?" she dropped her voice to an even lower tone, sounding almost conspirital. "She hasn't been touched yet, so we'll have to charge you slightly higher than the usual prices, hai?" Heisuke waved his hand in approval, and the Mamasan took it as her cue to make her exit.

"Do what you have to do, Hana-chan. If he favors you, you'll have many good days ahead of you." She murmured as she passed the young girl. Hana gave a little nod. The door shut behind her, and for the first time in her life in the Shimabara, she was feeling quite claustrophobic. She straightened her shoulders, and placed herself right behind his back.

"You seem much tensed, Toudou-sama. Let me give you a good massage to loosen up, neh?" She curled her fingers into small fists and pounded lightly on his back. After what seemed like an eternity (actually, it was closer to 5 minutes), she paused to for a short break. He still hasn't spoken a word since the Mamasan left. And he didn't even turn to look at her once. This wasn't good.

Hana bit her lower lip. Time to change another tactic. "Have you ever lost someone close to you?" he asked suddenly. She blinked. She would have thought that the voice she just heard was in her head if she hadn't felt him shift his body to reach for another bottle of sake. That was certainly unexpected. Still, it was a start. "Well, I lived here ever since I was born, and the people I 'lose' are mainly my friends who have to leave for work." she replied, trying to make her voice sound remotely inviting. He fell silent again. Just as she was about to ask him if he wanted her to feed him the sashimi that was prepared, another unexpected thing happened. He turned.

Oh Kami-sama.

All coherent thoughts that had existed in her head a while ago were flushed right out. She knew that it was rude to gape and stare wide-eyed at her customer, (for goodness sake, she had been trained strictly to adhere to Shimabara decorum since she was 10!) but that was exactly what she was doing. It was almost as if her facial muscles suddenly went slack. It had been almost a year since he last visited, but she could recognize the thin lips that curled into an easy smile ever so often, the eyes that twinkled with mischief and the dimples that popped every time he laughed. Sure, he seemed much older and more solemn than before, but she was certain it was him. But there was something about him that was changed. That something, she couldn't quite put her finger on.

_**Flashback**_

Heisuke frowned, watching the retreating back of the troublemakers. "What's with them?" They are so quick to fight." He absent-mindedly raised a hand to rub his head. Hana beamed at him in gratitude. "But… thank you!" "Sorry I came late," came an embarrassed smile in reply. Hana shook her head furiously, looking up at the tall, dashing (kei, only to her perhaps?) warrior before her.

"Iie…I've completely fallen for you!"

TBC

A/N: sorry, I'm currently hating myself for making this merry couple go all dark and angsty. Hmm, I hope I'm doing a good job so tell me what you think so I can improve. Thanks!


	2. Memories

**Deflowered and Disillusioned**

Disclaimer: I Do Not own PMK or its characters. Damn.

Chapter 2 Memories

"Eh….thank you then," he smiled even wider, feeling his face turn a light pink.

_**End-of-Flashback**_

Heisuke dropped the sake bottle, his eyes widened with surprise. The girl…he remembered. She was just a servant girl the last time he accompanied Mr Yamanami to visit Akesato-san. "You're…Hana right? You served Akesato-san before? " He leaned closer to have a better look, but she abruptly turned her head away, using her long sleeves to cover her face. Heisuke hesitated, unsure what to do next. He slowly reached over and pulled down her hands to reveal that his guess had been correct.

She did not resist the gesture, but her face flushed, refusing to look at him straight in the face. He could feel her trembling, her pale lily-white hands shaking slightly in his big callused ones. He sighed. He flattened both palms and placed it over hers, enveloping them completely from sight.

She looked up in astonishment. "Are you afraid of me? Don't be, I'm not going to hurt you. Why are you…." He trailed off, trying to think of a better way to finish his sentence. Great…however way he was going to ask was just as insulting and degrading. Damn, where were his witty remarks when he needed them?

Hana could feel her heart palpitating wildly, so hard she felt her rib-cage was going to burst from the building pressure. He recognized her! And of all the men in Mibu, why him? This must be some cruel joke, it was a nightmare. And…what was she going to do now? He had asked her a question; it would be most impolite if she did not answer. The problem is, she was distracted by the soothing warmth provided by his hands. He probably thought it was comforting, but really, she was finding it even harder to focus. She cleared her throat, and tried to reply in what she had desperately hoped, in a confident and nonchalant tone.

"Akesato-san left the Shimabara a month ago to attend to some personal matters. As for me, it's a tradition for girls working here who hit the age of 16 to become a full-fledged geisha." She cast a glance at him from the corner of her eye. Was that a spark of pity that she caught? She was not one who needed pity. She gently pried her hands from his and placed them on her lap.

"Toudou-sama, please save your pity for someone else. This is my way of life, and I am content with it, even though it isn't preferred." She bent slightly to reach for the forgotten sake bottle, pouring its remaining contents in two cups. Raising one to her lips, she downed the burning liquid in one gulp. Feeling somewhat liberated, she continued, her voice slurring a little.

"Anyway, my life story isn't nearly as interesting as Toudou-sama. Would you care to have another drink?" She held up the other cup.

He stared at her. He couldn't help it. What a strange turn of events this was turning out to be.

He had it all planned: to get dead-drunk, forget all that was weighing down on his mind to disappear in a well-spent night of passion, then resume life as usual the very next day. What he didn't quite expect was to find a beautiful girl that he vaguely remembered serving him. Despite being young in age, her fiery reply enthralled him. She might not be a woman just yet, but she sure answered like one.

"Nani…" he muttered underneath his breath, and took the cup from her. Great, now he had another problem to add on his list. So what was he supposed to do now? If he decided to go on with the night's plans, he'd feel like a complete bastard for ravaging a girl as innocent and virginal as she was; yet on the other hand, what the hell is he supposed to do? This was the Shimabara, for crying out loud! That was why he was here, not to sit and scrutinize each other till the next morning.

'After all, he came to satisfy his needs, not to play house with an unworthy courtesan,' Hana thought to herself. She was here because she had a job to do. The consequences would be unthinkable if the Mamasan discovered that she had already managed to upset the customer on her first try. Hana gulped, and tried to remember a few of the tips Yumi-san had tried to teach her should such a problem arise.

_**Flashback**_

"Hana-chan… remember that men are easily beguiled so long you know that you hold the cards; but you must never overstep your boundaries. Play coy, but definitely not sluttish." Yumi-san began, signaling the start of the lesson.

"There is a reason why we're a world different from the prostitutes you see solicitating in back alleys. Different customers have their different approaches, you will learn in time to discern which types they are." Hana gulp discreetly. She did not really want to think how she was going to learn.

"Boorish men tend to be very crude and straight-forward; therefore there is no need to come up with flowery performances or long speeches. After offering a few cups of sake, if he's ready, then all you have to do is follow suit. But don't just lay there like a dead fish and leave him to do all the work! Men pay to be happy, and if they don't…well, I leave it up to you to think about it."

Hana averted her eyes, suddenly finding the tatami mats she was kneeling on the most interesting thing on the world.

"Then of course, there are the more refined customers, like merchants and samurais. This is the better scenario that most of us could hope for. On top of your payment, the customers might even slip you a nice Goshugi, of which you get to spend by yourself. Imagine the things you can indulge yourself with."

"They usually take more effort to open up; but more often than not, you get rewarded for it. This is where your shamisen and dancing skills come in handy; sometimes, there may even be the occasional request for a song." Yumi-san paused, taking a sip from her teacup. Hana breathed a sigh of relief. She had always been praised for her skills as a shamisen player, and didn't fare badly as a dancer either. Her joy was short-lived though.

"However," the older woman continued, "that isn't enough to entice a customer."

TBC

A/N: Well, been enjoying a pretty long hiatus for this fic, and I'm back. Many Thanks for all who reviewed, especially Yammy who gave me a very detailed timeline and awesome critique to work with. Sorry for this short chapter, I'm so what in a rush, but shall promise to make up with a longer one the next update. 

Please forgive me if I get any of the facts or time-lines wrong for I'm pretty new to this anime. Crap…I'm supposed to be studying for my exam now, so til then…


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